Neat Nonsense

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Expectations and reality of having a baby

Written by my friend Femke, who has recently become a proud mom of son Lucas. Being a parent was somewhat conform her expectations, yet there were many more things she did not see coming.

Here’s what Femke has to say about what it really is like to be a mother of a newborn baby:

I expected my life to change when I became a parent. Lack of sleep, way to many washing to do, spending hours just looking at my baby. All of that came true. Some things however have changed that I had not seen coming. Not at all.

Before: Go in the shower, same time every day. Get clean. Dry off. Get dressed. Start the day fresh.

After: Get in the shower quickly when baby sleeps. Get clean. Dry off. Get milk squirted out of boobs on your body. Do a weird ‘getting dressed dance’ trying to keep breast pads on boobs while getting bra on. Fail. Smell of sour milk the rest of the day.

Before: Owh lets watch the news. Ah well, don’t really care. Let’s do something different now.
After: Owh no! This happened, and that! Let’s cry my eyeballs out. Poor everybody. Let’s keep thinking about this for the rest of the week.

Before: In a hurry. Run down the stairs. Continue running and arrive quicker at wherever I needed to be.

After: Run down the stairs. Hold a boob in each hand to prevent them from shaking painfully. Getting a funny look from the neighbour who walks up the stairs and sees you holding your own boobs. Continue running to the car. Forget that you can’t run yet. Wet your pants. Walk back inside to get changed.

Before: have belly bug. Sit on toilet feeling sorry for yourself.

After: breastfeeding. Getting cramps. Trying to walk to toilet with baby attached to boob. Proudly make it to the toilet. Empty bowels while breastfeeding. Feeling proud you made it to the toilet without soiling pants. Get shitted on by baby

Before: Drive car. Stop at traffic light. Drive off again.
After: Drive car. Baby falls asleep. Stop at traffic light. Baby wakes up. Hit brake on and off, lightly shaking the car. Baby falls back asleep. Until the next set of lights.

Before: Germs schmerms. Don’t really care, good for my immune system.
After: You are touching my baby after just having those same hands on a shopping trolley. Where other people also had their dirty hands. People who might also have touched door knobs in public toilets and who have sneezed in those hands. Now you are rubbing those dirty germs on my precious baby. STEP AWAY FROM THE BABY.

Before: walk in the shops. Get groceries. Walk out.

After: This person wants to talk to me, that person wants to chat. I have joined the secret club of parenthood and everyone likes to talk to me about their own experiences. Good or bad.

Before: post something on facebook. Could be about a wide range of things like politics, food, something funny that happened, a party we went to.

After: Posting about my baby, more about my baby, post something in general about babies. Post some more about my baby. Baby baby baby.

Before: I know what love is.
After: My love for this tiny human being runs so incredibly deep. A weird, never experienced anything like it kinda love. Unconditionally, limitless, intensely kind of love. So much love, I feel I could explode.
So much love that my baby can turn my life upside down in the most random ways and I really don’t care. I really, truly enjoy it all.

Written by my friend Femke, who has recently become a proud mom of son Lucas. Being a parent was somewhat conform her expectations, yet there were many more things she did not see coming.

Here’s what Femke has to say about what it really is like to be a mother of a newborn baby:

I expected my life to change when I became a parent. Lack of sleep, way to many washing to do, spending hours just looking at my baby. All of that came true. Some things however have changed that I had not seen coming. Not at all.

Before: Go in the shower, same time every day. Get clean. Dry off. Get dressed. Start the day fresh.

After: Get in the shower quickly when baby sleeps. Get clean. Dry off. Get milk squirted out of boobs on your body. Do a weird ‘getting dressed dance’ trying to keep breast pads on boobs while getting bra on. Fail. Smell of sour milk the rest of the day.

Before: Owh lets watch the news. Ah well, don’t really care. Let’s do something different now.
After: Owh no! This happened, and that! Let’s cry my eyeballs out. Poor everybody. Let’s keep thinking about this for the rest of the week.

Before: In a hurry. Run down the stairs. Continue running and arrive quicker at wherever I needed to be.

After: Run down the stairs. Hold a boob in each hand to prevent them from shaking painfully. Getting a funny look from the neighbour who walks up the stairs and sees you holding your own boobs. Continue running to the car. Forget that you can’t run yet. Wet your pants. Walk back inside to get changed.

Before: have belly bug. Sit on toilet feeling sorry for yourself.

After: breastfeeding. Getting cramps. Trying to walk to toilet with baby attached to boob. Proudly make it to the toilet. Empty bowels while breastfeeding. Feeling proud you made it to the toilet without soiling pants. Get shitted on by baby

Before: Drive car. Stop at traffic light. Drive off again.
After: Drive car. Baby falls asleep. Stop at traffic light. Baby wakes up. Hit brake on and off, lightly shaking the car. Baby falls back asleep. Until the next set of lights.

Before: Germs schmerms. Don’t really care, good for my immune system.
After: You are touching my baby after just having those same hands on a shopping trolley. Where other people also had their dirty hands. People who might also have touched door knobs in public toilets and who have sneezed in those hands. Now you are rubbing those dirty germs on my precious baby. STEP AWAY FROM THE BABY.

Before: walk in the shops. Get groceries. Walk out.

After: This person wants to talk to me, that person wants to chat. I have joined the secret club of parenthood and everyone likes to talk to me about their own experiences. Good or bad.

Before: post something on facebook. Could be about a wide range of things like politics, food, something funny that happened, a party we went to.

After: Posting about my baby, more about my baby, post something in general about babies. Post some more about my baby. Baby baby baby.

Before: I know what love is.
After: My love for this tiny human being runs so incredibly deep. A weird, never experienced anything like it kinda love. Unconditionally, limitless, intensely kind of love. So much love, I feel I could explode.
So much love that my baby can turn my life upside down in the most random ways and I really don’t care. I really, truly enjoy it all.

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